It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
