The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i believe in u and ur pee
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