Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
