I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
