Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
