you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
