i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Alive.
So much puke
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
