A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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