I'm so fucking centered right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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