I think my vagina is haunted
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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