Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
