I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
