As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
