Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh god it's open bar.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
