I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I believe in your delicious
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
