The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
