i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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