Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
