when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
