those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
