Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
