if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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