I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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