Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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