My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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