I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
