just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
