if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
