just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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