my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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