You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
