she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
