so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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