so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just googled if crying burns calories
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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