I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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