Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
