my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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