Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
