We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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