dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
