problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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