Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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