hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
