Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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