Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
nutella sex= disaster
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
