I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
