Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
