Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
