areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
