I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
