Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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