i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
