At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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