So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize