he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
