made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
