So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
