dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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