He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
