New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
