feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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