So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize