yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
