I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize