I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
