I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
