Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Michael Bay diarrhea
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
