I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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