Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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