we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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