i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
