So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
