If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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